Who are you? Identity and the expat

Living the expat life should be all about seizing opportunities during whatever length of time you happen to have in a location.

At least that’s been my philosophy and its served me pretty well so far – it explains the two weeks in Spain with one of my oldest and best friends; my agreement to go paddle boarding this weekend and more than a few days of spectacular hiking in Norway. Try it now; you may not have the chance again!

So when I found out that Amal Clooney, Diane Von Furstenberg and Annie E.Clark who is the co-founder of End Rape on Campus and an incredible advocate, were all speaking at a one day conference in Austin, I did some quick sums and signed up.

After my initial excitement about these keynotes speakers and an equally impressive series of workshops and round tables at an incredibly reasonable price, nervousness set in.

The Texas Conference for Women is an amazing event, backed up by online sessions and additional resources. In my old life, before all this expat stuff changed my world, I would have had my business cards packed and ready to go. I don’t ever remember being nervous before a business conference or networking event.

Of course back then, I had my lines down. There’s the initial greeting and exchange of names. Then usually, its questions about what you do and which organization you might be representing or working with and I had all the answers. Today, its a bit more complicated.

So good news, I still know my own name. Not so good news, I don’t have a nice easy answer to the ‘what I do’ part and that’s what’s making me nervous. These small talk questions are a bit like being asked how you’re doing by a casual acquaintance. The social expectation is that you’ll say fine and we’ll move on to other things.

My answer to the ‘what do you do’ question isn’t as neat and easy as ‘fine’.  I don’t really know what the answer to that question is right now as it’s the first time since secondary school that I haven’t either been in further education or working in some capacity.  And it makes me feel that my attendance at this conference makes me a bit of a fraud.

I used to be able to say that I was in school which always seemed to hold off questions about why I wasn’t working before we even got to me explaining the whole expat lifestyle which is basically ‘here today, not sure for how long and might be gone tomorrow’ in career terms. I used to say that I was in PR but really, after five years and only a handful of local press releases as a volunteer, I think that’s stretching things more than a little. I’m not sure that I can pull of ‘recent graduate’ at the age of 46 with any credibility, though it’s true.

Let me be clear. It’s not that I am without ambition, a desire to work or professional skills and competencies. I know what I want to be doing and how I’d like to one day answer these questions neatly but it’s a tricky process. I want the portable career, the “career in my suitcase” but it’s not an easy path.  There are work permits and visas and future relocations in the mix.

For me, it is one of the biggest challenges of this whole expat adventure because it turns out that I’m not really cut out for a life of total leisure and that my self-esteem and sense of identity are more than a little tied up in the ‘what do you do’ question.  And right now, my honest answer involves travel, graduation and an attempt to reinvent myself as a freelance writer, which is the career equivalent of unburdening your soul when you’re asked how you’re doing by a total stranger.

So here’s the thing about the expat adventure – there are hard things. There are scary things. But the things you regret the most are the things you don’t do. And no one ever said it would be easy – trust me, some of those Norwegian hikes were definitely not easy. If you want to make the most of great opportunities, you’ve got to rise to the challenges, terrifying as it may be.

So I’ve booked my room, confirmed my place and I look forward to telling you all about it in a few weeks from now.

In the meantime, I’m hoping that my very honest and complicated answer to the ‘what do you do’ questions will start some great conversations about career options, travel, different lifestyles and opportunities for women, which after all, is the whole purpose of the event.