Soul sisters

I love Kirsty Rice. I’ve never met her but her blog – 4 kids, 20 suitcases and a beagle – was an absolute lifeline when I found myself in Norway wondering what on earth to make of this strange new life.

One of the things that Kirsty sometimes touches upon in her writing is expat friendships. Recently she posted something on her ‘4 Kids, 20 Suitcases and a Beagle’ Facebook page that struck a chord with me. She was wondering about the thing we gain and lose by moving around the world so much. Friendship is always a tricky thing. As Kirsty says, do you put yourself out there to meet people or do you not ‘recruit’ new people?  It’s hard to make friends only to say goodbye to them when you leave town.

Or is it?

I flew to Michigan last week because I put myself out there 25 years ago.  I was working in community relations at the City of Belfast YMCA and for six weeks, I was assigned a volunteer from a Presbyterian Church USA group. We had a blast and although I felt I made a good friend, what are the odds of sustaining a long distance, close friendship between Belfast and Detroit? Bear in mind that this was before Google, Facebook and Skype. Heck, I’m not sure we even had email!

I don’t know about the odds but I can tell you that it has been 25 years of long letters, expensive transatlantic phone calls, hysterical emails about bridesmaid dresses, once every couple of year trips to visit and a lot of laughter. We’ve shared and continue to live through some pretty serious stuff – health issues, job losses, financial insecurity and just plain old personal insecurity.  And now finally, we’re on the same continent. We don’t know for how long but after all these years, it’s only a three hour flight.

The last 25 years have taught me a few things. Firstly, only spending a short period of time with someone doesn’t mean they can’t change your life. Secondly, there are some friendships that endure, deepen and evolve across distance and time. They don’t always need regular phone calls or face to face catch ups, though social media certainly does help. Somehow, you just slip into the same groove when you do speak or meet.

Finally, you never know where the road is going to take you and when you’ll meet again. If you’d told me ten years ago I’d be living in Texas, I’d have laughed in your face.

So I’m pretty much always recruiting, and although I’m nervous, I’m hoping this blog will help me ‘meet’ even more people. What if the person you meet just before they get transferred or you leave for your new location is exactly the sort of friend who keeps you laughing after 25 years? What if they are just the sort of person who ‘gets’ you like no one else does? I’ve learned that its better to take the risk. The potential benefits have been more than worth it to me.

What about you? What’s your approach to friendship? Are you open to new recruits?